I’ve avoided writing this post because it’s about something that’s still a work in progress. Typically, I only like to share things after I’ve conquered them, because isn’t that just what feels a little bit more safe? It doesn’t always feel good to admit that you’re haven’t hit the mark that you’ve been aiming for… That you’re still not there yet. But generally, that’s the place we exist in. There is always something that we are working on or working towards. In this season, I’ve had to really accept that I am human and that adapting to a new season takes time. Mid-summer, I quit a dream high capacity job that I had taken on top of my other job as a full-time photographer (I know I’m crazy, it’s fine), and then traveled around a bunch through the end of summer. Now, honestly, I am still adjusting to living in a slower, more intentional pace after that crash-and-burn season. I knew I needed a slower pace because my spiritual life was suffering, not to mention my physical and mental life. When you’re running a life that is going at a break-neck speed, you don’t have the time to notice all of the things around you that are crumbling down. You’re too busy, and always have the easy excuse that you’re too busy, and sometimes, it feels good to be busy– like you deserve a badge of honor for working harder than anybody else. But the problem with busy is that it isn’t just something you do, it’s also state of being. A state of being unaware, a state of ignoring signs of breakdown, a state of numbness, a state of finding security in your own abilities.
Coming to the end of a season like this feels like it should be easy. It should be freeing and feel like I’m flying. But for someone like myself, at first, it always feels a little bit lonely and terrifying. I always find myself second-guessing and grappling for my next security blanket of performance and accomplishment. Instead, this time around, because I’ve been down this road before and know myself a little too well now, I’ve been attempting to slow down with purpose and mentally detox. I know about physical detoxes– juice detoxes, detoxing teas, etc, but detoxing your mind is harder and more directly correlated with our feelings, reactions, and habits. Detoxing your mind is like the equivalent of trying to quit smoking or something. It’s not instant. It’s not easy. Our brains are designed with series of patterns that have been engrained into us over years; removing faulty thoughts, habits, and false beliefs isn’t for the faint of heart, but sometimes, it’s the best form of growth to get to where we want and need to be with God.
So where do we start when we know it’s time to slow down? Where do we begin when we know we need a mental detox? I don’t completely know. I’m still a work in progress. For now though, this is where I have begun and where I am right now.
I EMPTIED MY CLOSET.
No smoke and magic here. Post-crazy season, I just felt like my “real life” had been collecting dust and was just all over the place. And by real life, I mean the laundry. Coming into a new season, I highly recommend starting by throwing things away. There were so many items in my closet that I was just keeping to keep, or because I felt like I had to keep them. Simply taking them out of my closet and really looking at what I love wearing was kind of eye opening to who I am and who I want to be. Taking all of the old stuff out made me feel like I was lighter and moving on.
I ORGANIZED EVERYTHING IN OUR HOUSE AND THREW UNNECESSARY THINGS AWAY.
I didn’t stop at the closet. It just invigorated me. Our spare room and office had been sitting in disarray for months, so finally, instead of avoiding it for one more week, I started with one room and took everything out. I threw away anything I haven’t used in a year or that wasn’t important/super sentimental. It’s strange how empowering organizing a space feels, but also awesome. I moved on to the other room and organized it as well. I even did a little bit or re-arranging and redecorating, which made me feel like I could really relax and enjoy the spaces in a new way.
I DITCHED MIND-NUMBING ENTERTAINMENT FOR MORE SOUL-FILLED ACTIVITIES.
Things that are easy: Binge-watching The Office. Scrolling through other peoples’ lives on Instagram. Pinning all the pins on Pinterest. The way I do tv/social media, I’ve never seen it as “bad” or as a negative source. I love social media and really do use it to connect and be inspired, and as for tv, that’s usually what my husband do to wind down every night and we typically see it as a fun bonding time. However, I realized that those things were weighing me down with a weird energy during this season. It just felt too numbing for what I was trying to adjust to. I was/am still in a place where I specifically am emptying myself out of the old stuff, which means I have this space to fill myself with something new. I really don’t want my new to just be episodes of Park and Rec. So instead, I’ve been trying to read more, make healthy snacks or do meal prep, practiced my artistic skills like watercolor and calligraphy, talked on the phone to friends more, go on more walks, and have realized a new love for home DIY projects. I’ve realized that if you take all of the fringe time you have that you consider as your “self-care” or relaxing time and choose an activity that is both relaxing but constructive, you end up not only feeling rested, but also filled up in a way. Now, that’s not to say I don’t have days where I totes watch like, five episodes of The Office with Jared. I do. I just try to pay more conscious attention to how I am feeling and what I really need to recharge that night.
I TURNED MY EVERYDAY ACTIVITIES INTO SLOWING DOWN PRACTICE TIME.
Morning routines are a big factor as to how I feel when I start my day. There were many days in a row where I was just naturally in a bad mood. No real exact reason why, or not a reason that was apparent to me. I had to ask myself, what kind of a morning would you need to have in order to start the day with a healthy, Christ-like, joy-filled energy? I realized that one thing that I loved about my mornings before my crazy-season was that I would do these few things: A. I got up early. B. I took the time to make a healthy breakfast even if it took a long time. C. I submitted my day to God/journaled before the crazy stuff started. Honestly, there are days when doing this routine feels like a waste of time. I don’t need a green smoothie that takes four kinds of fruits I have to cut up. I don’t need to take half an hour to write down my feelings before I start work. In taking the time to do so though, I always feel much more calm and centered the rest of the day. I’ve learned to find slowness and sacredness in making oatmeal and my morning tea, which is both kind of weird to say and also just honest. Practicing slowness in my everyday, normal activities has helped me calm my brain down and really focus on my attitude during each part of my day.
I WROTE DOWN THE BIG PICTURE.
This is a game changer. As a planner, I like to have a plan. I like to have a plan that goes month by month and week by week. When going through a slow season though, the whole point is to go slower, to be flexible, to calm down and be present with God. And God might have a totally different plan than I do. I’ve had to start to learn that not getting that thing checked off my to-do list isn’t that big of a deal in the big picture. The big picture isn’t a five-year goal or a business plan or even a general idea of where you’re heading. The big picture is your mindset. It’s the idea of where you want your heart to be, what you want to be known by, the way you want to live. For me, I’ve been telling myself that it’s just about flourishing where I am with Christ and relinquishing the idea that I’m in a race against time to accomplish all of my dreams right now. My big picture is to accept the season I’m in and actually enjoy what I’ve been given.
I MADE A SET OF VERSES AND AFFIRMATIONS TO MEDITATE ON.
Romans 12:2 is one of my favorite verses, but I often forget the true meaning of what it is saying: “Renewing your mind.” In order to do this, I have to refresh my mind daily. From Satan’s accusations to messages that I’m not doing enough that creep through social media to the harmful, accidental words that can just happen when you’re around co-workers, we’re constantly, sometimes unknowingly, battling an unseen barrage of mental attack. Satan knows that if he can get into your thoughts, then eventually he can weaken your beliefs, and then he can get into every other part of your life. How do we protect ourselves from mental attack? Our weapon is the word of God. I have found nothing else tears down his walls of lies than Scripture that I read and speak over my life regularly. These are the verses I chose for myself during this season. I also added affirmations to some where I wanted to remind myself of a certain truth.
I GAVE MYSELF PERMISSION TO ADJUST.
For some, rest is easy. For others, it feels like punishment. I’m somewhere in the middle. There are days when living more slowly feels purposeless and depressing for me. On these days, I have to give myself permission to be a work in progress, put my to-do list aside, and pray for an attitude adjustment. Thankfulness is always what gets me turned back around. These are the few things God has been saying to me when I get into a funk and turn to him for a restful heart:
A life marked with joy is better than a life marked with success. Your fulfilled purpose starts with your mindset. Invest in the things you have been given rather than worrying about the ones you may not achieve.
I MADE A MENTAL GAME PLAN.
When detoxing our minds, I believe we are more susceptible to spiritual attacks. Having a mental game plan that sifts the truths from the lies is necessary. There have been countless days where I’ve had to ask myself the hard questions to figure out if my thoughts are true. Is my work really meaningless? Or is Satan trying convincing me because he knows that I am on the right path? Am I not doing enough to be valuable? Or am I simply undervaluing rest? It’s not weird or bad to question your thoughts. You’re human. You’re going to think things that are faulty and need to sift through things before believing them. Also, aside from thoughts, there are feelings. Change and adjustment brings new and sometimes unwanted feelings. They sometimes suck, but you might as well embrace them in the moment and then ask yourself what you’d rather feel instead and figure out how to work towards different emotions. Having regular affirmations and Bible verses help me so much with this. I also wrote down how I want to feel, and then moved outwards from there. I want to feel present, energized, purposeful, generous, and connected. So I rearranged my mornings a little bit to journal more, started going to the gym with Jared and my brother, kept affirmations to read in my prayer journal daily, and started sharing what I’ve been going through with others. It’s all a process, but that’s the whole point, right now.
BOOKS THAT ARE HELPING ME DEAL.
Chasing Slow – more of a memoir. I’ve had trouble getting into this one because it doesn’t get straight to the point of slowness, which is probably a good thing when you’re trying to slow down. Haven’t finished it yet, but the storyline seems like it’s going to have some great points.
Present Over Perfect – life changer. Literally all I can say. Get the workbook, too.
Nothing to Prove – easy to read at night and heartfelt. Feels like you’re right there just listening to her tell her story.
Restless – great for when you feel like you’re ready to move on from the slow season to something new.
I am expectant to see what this season brings about. I am looking forward to what God will settle in my heart and hope that new, healthier habits form. While not having a super secure “normal” has come from this transition just yet, I am actually glad that I am going through it. There’s been a lot of growth already, and I feel so much more joyful and like my time is so valuable now. If you’ve been feeling a prompting to slow down this season, just do it. It’s scary for some of us, but you learn so much along the way.
