In high school, if you had asked me what I wanted to be, I would have said a writer.
I took every literature class I could get into. I remember reading Noah Lukeman’s The First Five Pages (a book on author technique) when I was in the eighth grade. Nothing made me feel more accomplished than getting a good score back on my essay in Advanced Composition. Thesaurus.com was bookmarked at the top of my favorites page. I loved reading the classics and devoured every Jane Austen novel multiple times. I joined those kind of nerdy online forums where you share poetry and writing prompts. Words gave me an escape and and writing gave me a voice. There was rarely nothing I poured myself into more than written art.
Then came graduation, a time when all people seem to know how to ask is, “so what’s next? What are you going to do with your life? What are you going to try to be?”
I wanted to be brave and say I wanted to be a writer, but it seemed like such a heavy word on my tongue. A profession that required too much training for too little income, a profession that so many confidently walk through the door of, but only to be sent back with a looked-through manuscript and disappointed ego. It seemed so adult, and I seemed so… not. I didn’t want to lock myself into the responsibility of trying to fulfill that difficult of a dream. The main problem though was that no one had read my work aside– from teachers and very close friends. No one knew my voice, and I suppose I was afraid no one would want to hear it. So, I chose a different career path. Looking back, I can see God’s hand in it all and am actually thankful it worked out the way that it did. However, my love for writing has never gone away. I just choose to bury it beneath busyness every now and then.
My journey of writing has always been a little bit of a struggle. There have been highs when I felt like I’d reached the zenith of I’m Finally Doing It Mountain– like when Scholastic awarded me an honor for a short story I wrote and wanted me to come out to New York to meet other writer-wannabes, and then, more recently, there have been lows– such as my college english professor suggesting I didn’t have enough academic brain capacity to ever be of a literary profession. And yet, still, I can’t help but want to wake up and journal. I still love searching through words on Thesaurus.com. I keep notes on my phone– but not like normal people. I keep lists of quotes and ideas and stories and topics. Do you ever feel like there is something you’re supposed to pursue for God, even if just for the reason that it seems like Satan is trying to keep you from it? That’s what writing often feels like for me. Something I innately know I’m supposed to keep chasing, not always a clear idea why, but too afraid to never know God’s answer.
A couple of weeks back, I attended a conference called She Speaks, hosted by well-known female Christian faith writer and speaker, Lysa TerKeurst. The conference specifically caters to women aspiring to be Christian authors, bloggers, and speakers. With non-fiction faith literature booming right now (and with everyone and their mom having a blog), this conference meets the educational needs for women who want to tell their story and make Jesus’ name known through words– whether it’s book, blog, or speaking event. In
an atmosphere of encouragement and community, women of all ages come to this conference in Concord, North Carolina in the middle of July to go to workshops, seminars, and publishing meetings. 
Walking around the Hilton Conference area, I loved that I couldn’t tell who was famous and who wasn’t. It made things so much less intimidating for me being a first-timer who doesn’t really know what she’s getting into. Let me backtrack and state how I got to this conference: I saw an ad for it on Instagram, thought, hey I’d like to go to that, and signed up. I didn’t think through whether I actually wanted to seriously start blogging again (because back then, I didn’t even have this blog) or if I wanted to be an author or what. But I just went. And I am so glad I did.
We stayed in a bed and breakfast in Davidson, North Carolina, which is under half an hour from Concord. It was the cutest colonial-southern-dream-town. Like something out of Nicholas Sparks movie. Driving down the narrow roads, there was hardly a home without a blushingly magenta crepe myrtle tree (or seven) and a wrap-around porch with r
ocking chairs. I literally felt like if I would have walked up and rang someone’s doorbell, I would have been greeted with sweet tea and grits at the front door.
Sue and Tom were our b&b hosts for the weekend, and to my happiest surprise, Sue was basically a professional chef. She satisfied my brunch dreams with things like herbed poached-like eggs, grilled peaches, cream cheese stuffed french toast, and berry bread pudding (yes, basically dessert for breakfast. This woman spoke my love language).
After a leisurely early breakfast, we headed out to the conference. The day started out with worship, which was perfect to get everyone in a calm, collected mindset. I can’t imagine what the nerves of the women going into publishing appointments had. I was able to attend five workshops over the course of the weekend, ranging from blogging with purpose to having a Spirit-filled life. Basically, this conference was some of the things I love most into one: meeting with other creatives, writing, and Jesus. Oh, and cute Photo Booth backdrops – see above.
My big highlights of the weekend:
One: Hearing Shauna Niequist speak about her new book, Present Over Perfect (and getting her autograph AND getting the book early before it’s release on August 9th!)
Two: Hearing Lysa speak for the third time– I’m secretly hoping she’s eventually going to notice I’m the fangirl stalking her at her events.
Three: the breakfast at the b&b– seriously though, so good.
I learned a lot of practical tips and guidelines for writing. Everything that the speakers said was rich and helpful, but what I gained even more was a renewed heart for ministry and writing. I know that God leads through seasons, and I know that my seasons lately haven’t involved a lot of writing, but that is okay. I’ve learned that that wasn’t God’s way of saying “no,” it was just a season of “not yet.” I am excited to journey farther into self-discovery and blogging and just have fun with it while trying to be God’s vessel and be an encouragement to other women.
All in all, I can’t wait to go back next year. I can’t wait to implement what I learned now and then look back at where I was. It’s intimidating to look ahead and not know what you’re doing with some aspect of your life or what will come of it, but I’m starting to realize that I choose the path of intimidation when I don’t lay my dreams and pursuits at the feet of Jesus. When I do, all that is required of me is to give him my moments, my gifts, and my self.
